Ever since the Unabomber™ (Ted Bundy AKA Mark Harmon) (on second thought, sorry, Harmon is a different glamorous psychopathic celebrity killer) (by "celebrity killer" I mean someone who is a killer and a celebrity, not someone like Mark David Chapman who killed a celebrity) (although, when you think about it, Chapman is a bit of a celebrity in his own right) first published his thesis on the influence of technology on human societies in the Washington Post back in 1995, I've been a little jealous. I dreamed a little dream of writing my own manifesto.

As we worked on the framework for BUTM, and tried to figure out what should go on the menu (the little clicky thing across the top of the page), it came down to a choice between a "privacy policy" or an "about us" page. The former is probably required by law and punishable by the cancellation of your business license (if we actually had one) or something, and the second would require us to share all kinds of personal information which definitely isn't smart to do on the internet. Additionally, a quick Google search reveals that there are about 16 million pages with the term "about us" on them. So many people talking about themselves. What about the starving homeless kids in Rwanda? What about an "about them" page, talking about all the impoverished disadvantaged children in the world fighting against the odds just to survive for another day. Then I thought, no, that's too much of a downer for a comedy site, plus it's kinda dumb too.

Still feeling rather rebellious about the whole thing, and having that one spot to fill on the menu, we decided the time was right to make our very own manifesto. That's right, a bunch of words and sentences and stuff, telling you why life sucks and how it's never going to get better, so it's time to blow things up. Ok, maybe it's not time to blow things up. Maybe it's not even funny to joke about that. Maybe it's illegal (like not having a privacy policy) to joke about it. Should we check with our lawyer (do we need to get one)?

The time has come, friends, enemies, and spam email harvesting bots everywhere, for us to rage against the machine. To stand up to those magazines that make us have a bad body image, or something. There is a revolution on the horizon, and you're invited. All the cool (emo) kids (the ones with sort of dorky-in-a-cool-way haircuts and too tight shirts) will be there. Jump immediately to the next paragraph for details.

Readers, life sucks in the new millennium. Media overload. TV. Rampant commercialism. MTV. Reality TV. Newspapers. Magazines. TV Guide. Avril Lavigne. Dennis Miller. TVT Records. It's all too much. You get the picture.

So what about it?

It's time to fight back. A comedy-orific fucking rev-o-lotion. That sounds a lot like Revolotion™, which is a registered trademark of Revlon™, which is also a registered trademark of Revlon. We don't want to get sued. Take it back.

We like comedy that isn't funny to everyone. It's like the punk rock, you know before Blink-182 and Avril and Sum-41. When punk was indie and you felt like you weren't just listening to music, but you were part of something bigger than just a bunch of shitty songs about beer and skating. Remember all those silly songs making fun of Reagan? That's what we're talking about. Remember College Rock™? Minor Threat? Superchunk? Led Zeppelin! John Denver? By the way, what the hell is a candy raver? I don't get it.

Ok, back to comedy. There are some great people doing funny things. Unfortunately, most of their shows never quite make it onto TV, or when they do, they get cancelled after a couple of seasons - but they do exist. Did you know that M*A*S*H* is still on the air? They are still doing new episodes too - Klinger (is that the drag queen or the little short whiny guy?) is 78 fucking years old. Shows like Friends and Party Of Five stay on forever, but Mr. Show gets cancelled after only a few (short) seasons. Sex In The Fucking City just keeps cranking out the same cookie cutter crap (oh, it's the "Oral Sex" episode this week, next week it's the "Pets" episode. Wake me for the "Oral Sex With Your Pets Episode") and yet Strangers With Candy is off the air. Is life fair? Are we gonna take it? Hell no!

So, as I sit here in my dank (great word) shack in the mountains of Montana, I wonder to myself, what can we do to make the world a better place? Nothing. That's right, this place is what it is and it still will be when we're all dead. Vaudeville isn't coming back, no matter how much we all wish it would. The only logical solution, is to clutter the internet with yet another useless website where losers like us can meet and commiserate until the inevitable day when we disappear permanently from this mortal coil, alone and unloved.

This, my fellow citizens of Earth, is our manifesto. Our destiny. Rejoice!