Quote:
Originally posted by agent_PUNT
any stuff get rejected from that show that you could tell us about in the form of a funny story?
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Here's a sketch that was actually shot. I guess it was changed a lot in Atlanta, and I haven't actually seen the final sketch. I doubt the taped sketch will ever see the light of day.
“Larry BOT 7000”
INT. CENTER STAGE
JEFF AND BILL COME OUT AND SIT ON THE CHAIRS.
JEFF
Hey, where’s Larry?
THE DOOR OPENS, AND A GIANT 50's STYLE ROBOT WALKS IN. IT’S DRESSED IN A SLEEVELESS SHIRT AND BASEBALL CAP.
ROBOT
(MONOTONE)
Git‘er done. Git‘er done. Git‘er done.
BILL
Oh, there he is.
JEFF
What’s going on? What happened to Larry?
A P.A. (TBD) WEARING HEAD PHONES RUNS UP.
P.A.
Larry couldn’t make it. He sent the robot in his place.
JEFF
This is the last straw! I’m gonna go give Larry a piece of my mind.
JEFF EXITS, AND CAMERA FOLLOWS.
INT. LARRY’S DRESSING ROOM
LARRY IS GETTING A PEDICURE, HE HAS SPACERS BETWEEN HIS TOES, AND HE’S GETTING A SCALP MASSAGE BY A KOREAN WOMAN. HE'S READING "HELLA BIG FORTUNE" MAGAZINE.
JEFF ENTERS.
JEFF
Larry, what on earth are you doing? You were supposed to be on stage and a robot showed up.
LARRY
Yeah, that’s the Larry Bot 7000. I didn’t think you’d notice.
JEFF
Didn’t think I’d notice?!? It’s a robot!
LARRY
But, it says “git’er done.” Doesn’t it?
JEFF
That's all it says.
LARRY
Good, it's working.
JEFF
Larry you’re supposed to be on the show.
LARRY
I would be but I’m too dang busy, and I can’t be in two places at once unless I use the robots. See, I’m gonna have Larry Bots in cities all across the country. And, I’m trying to get one to play a wacky neighbor on the Reba show. Hey, you should get some robots to tell your redneck jokes, Jeff.
JEFF
Larry, we’re paying you to be on the show, not a box of gears and sprockets.
LARRY
Don't the robot say Git-R-done? Dang, is it broke again...
BILL ENTERS. HIS ARM IS RIPPED OFF, AND BLOOD IS SPRAYING OUT.
BILL
(MATTER OF FACT)
Hey, Larry, your Larry Bot just ripped my arm off. I hope you’re happy. I’m going to my dressing room to eat crackers.
JEFF
Larry, Bill’s down to one arm because of the Larry Bot. Now, you’d better shut him off before he does something really bad.
LARRY
But, the Larry Bot don’t have an off switch. I couldn’t turn him off if I wanted to.
JEFF GOES TO A GUN CABINET, AND PULLS OUT A SHOT GUN, AND HANDS IT TO LARRY.
JEFF
Here’s your off switch.
MUSIC: DRAMATIC
LARRY
(SHOCKED)
But, Jeff... I can’t. I love the Larry Bot.
JEFF
Larry, it has to be done.
LARRY GETS A SOLEMN EXPRESSION.
INT. CENTER STAGE
LARRY, JEFF, AND BILL WALK OUT. THE LARRY BOT IS TIED TO A FAKE TREE, AND IT’S HOLDING BILL’S ARM.
LARRYBOT
Get‘er done. Get‘er done. Get‘er done.
LARRY
(TORN)
I, I can’t.
JEFF
C’mon, Larry, he’s asking you to do it.
BILL
Suck it up, Larry.
LARRY
I need some time alone.
JEFF
Okay, if the audience would please clear out of the building for a few moments...
CUT TO:
INT. AUDITORIUM EXITS
PRETAPE OF THE AUDIENCE LEAVING.
LARRYBOT
Get ‘er done. Get ‘er done.
LARRY
I’m gonna get ‘er done, little buddy. I’m sorry Larry Bot. I’m sorry.
LARRY SHOOTS. WIRES AND SPRINGS FLY ALL OVER HIM.
LARRY HUGS JEFF.
JEFF
It’s okay, Larry. It’s okay.
BILL
I forgive the Larry Bot for taking my arm, Larry.
(THEN)
But, I’m suing your ass off.
JEFF
We’ll be right back...
FADE OUT.