Blue Around the Collar

[3v3+Z]

And I thought "Mad TV" was bad. Check that: I thought "Mad TV" was moose diarrhea. Anyway, I saw "Blue Collar TV" earlier this evening. What needs to be said, really? I mean, nobody here would have thought it had any chance of being good. But the one sketch I managed to see most of was just REMARKABLY bad! There were these three fat people and... well, I guess that's about it! It's like, you know how The Kids in the Hall would dress like women, but that wasn't the joke? They were just PLAYING FEMALE CHARACTERS! The drag thing was never the punchline! These people were dressed and made-up to look fat and THAT WAS THE JOKE! And it dragged on for-fucking-EVER! Speaking of which, it's time for me to shut the fuck up, 'cuz ALL this shit goes without saying.

[Stabby]

BUT IT'S SO OUT OF CHARACTER!!!!

[Rabot]

Yeah, I thought I was watching a horrid episode of mad tv, and then though "holey fuck, it's the unholy fucked up stand up comic spawn of satan himself, jeff foxworthy." So fuck it that show is just horrible appeasement for the masses. it'slike a whitewash for the comedic secion of the brain, ie the manduela ablongota...if you keep 'em subdoed they can't rebel.

[Tommy]

You might be a redneck if you watch this show?

My cable box went crazy and I could only watch two things... that show or the color bars with the 1kz tone. I chose the latter.

For those playing the home game, networks have to "bid" on syndicated shows. When the contract for SNL was up with Comedy Central, E! Entertainment Network bidded on it and WON! Oh yay... now we can stick around after that riviting episode of The Anna Nicole Smith Show (right after the Michael Essany Show, and anything with Todd Newton) to see them spew promos with Jimmy Falon (did anyone actually see the trailer to 'Taxi'?).

So, let's face it... Comedy Central can't afford decent programming like an original sketch show. You can only play "The Ben Stiller Show" about 9,512 times before your ears begin to bleed.

What have we learned? Will Viacom spend money on buying re-runs of GOOD sketch comedy shows, or put that money toward the Ashley Simpson Show?

Comedy Central is a great network... but they just have some bad programming. They have a total of about 4 original programs, all great... I just hope Viacom gets a clue.

Until then, we'll be forced to watch a show from the network that brought us, "Who Wants To Marry The Smallest Midget (Vertically Challenged Person) While Eating Bugs, Then Get Divorced And Trade Lives With Paris Hilton".

"Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong." (I can't believe I just quoted that master of references).

-Moe Phelps

P.S. -- I think SNL has turned to crap, and the SNL of the 90s was the best. Just FYI...

[3v3+Z]

Originally posted by Tommy
(did anyone actually see the trailer to 'Taxi'?)

WOW! Bad start!

link (http://imdb.com/title/tt0316732/trailers)

[tjamick]

i think that as of the new year, jimmy falon will be compleatly forgotten.

[agent_PUNT]

Hey oh and speaking of forgotten SNL alumni, I caught Jay Mohr on Last Comic Standing...he got a standing ovation... infact everyone on that show got a standing ovation. EVEN THE GUY WHO DID HIS WHOLE BIT ABOUT SHOPPING WITH HIS WIFE!!!

networks have to appease sponsors who are all conservative companies who don't want controversy on their shows in which they sponsor...

so next time you are watching one of these terrible shows, take note of every product being advertised and make sure you go out of your way to not buy those products. E-mail those large conservative companies, who by the way, will pretend to be all "radical" in their commercials because they know if you're watching this crap tv, you'll probably believe anything we say, when in reality they don't even believe in the alternative rebelion that they push on you. E-mail them and say "hey, you sponsor unoriginal bullshit programming... I refuse to buy your products because you sponsor crappy TV."

David Cross said in an interview once: "People will stand in line for nine hours to see Lord of The Rings, but they won't take half-an hour, once every four years to get out vote"

The terrorists hate our freedom... you know what....

[CptPlanet]

Originally posted by agent_PUNT

The terrorists hate our freedom... you know what....

These pretzels are making me thirsty



If it wasn't for sig dividers that would have been the most brilliant nonsequitur of all time.

[tjamick]

i'm thinking about auditioning for last comic standing using lame jokes like:

Q:Why didn't hitler have an herb garden?
A:Because he was too busy killing jews.

Q:Why won't my dad show me his ass?
A:because he's very modest.

Q:how many rednecks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 1. there quite good at those sort of things.

Q: What did the doctor say to the janitor?
A: move.

Q: what do you call jesus when he dresses up as a clown?
A: nothing, my lord wouldnt do such a thing

and, of coarse, the best joke ever writen

"this is my impression of dave coulier if he COULDN'T do a popeye voice: 'thats $6.75'"

[apotatojudge]

I enjoyed the doctor/janitor one the best.

Dave Coulier is going to be on the next 'Surreal Life,' fyi.

So, I don't know how this works exactly... But, I assume you people are going to get pissed if I just start posting a lot and don't say who I am...

I joined a few months ago. Stopped when my 'puter broke.
I'm Julie.
Blagh.

[tjamick]

wow. a girl. can i poke you with this peice of scrap metal?

[apotatojudge]

No!

[3v3+Z]

Originally posted by apotatojudge
So, I don't know how this works exactly... But, I assume you people are going to get pissed if I just start posting a lot and don't say who I am...

We're pretty much gonna get pissed regardless. That's just what we do. Nothing personal.




The rest of the new "Surreal Life" cast:


Charo
Dave Coulier
Flavor Flav
Jordan Knight
Brigitte Nielsen
Ryan Starr

[tjamick]

blast!

[agent_PUNT]

hey tjamick... i think you found your niche with those faux-jokes.

I like the modest father one.

Julie... welcome....

wow a women, see guys I told you this would happen, we open our doors to a black guy and now women want to join our club.

You better be asian, that's all I'm saying.

[apotatojudge]

Where's the ::gasp:: black guy?


I am not Asian.

But I do have a horizontal vagina.

-SBJ.

[tjamick]

okay, thats it leave. i only date asian woman. oh and asian men that look like women. (click my sig and you'll see what i mean)

[AndersLevant]

My favorite are animals dressed up like Asian people. Because they sure do have much tighter asses than full grown -- read post-pubescent -- Caucasian women.

[Treebeard]

How does the pubic hair work on a horizontal vagina? I need to know because my girlfriend (you don't know her she's way hot) says she has one.

[tjamick]

i've seen alot of asian porn, and i've never seen the fabled "horizontal vagina". i hope my imaginary asian girlfriend/superhero/pro skateboarder dosent have one.

[tjamick]

take your pool playin' some where else.
thats the only asian stereotype i know.

[Pali]

Are you really of Asian origin, or are you yanking my crank?

While we're confessing, I'm of scandanavian origin and as such I am ginger. Yes, pubes too. Sorry ladies!

edit: Ginger is the wrong word actually, I'm 'strawberry blonde'.

[tjamick]

i have welsh blood and i regret it every day.
i'm also german **ZIEG HAIL**

[tjamick]

an asian orphan. unbelievable!
hey do you like dat phan. i bet you can relate to his humor.

[Pali]

You're shitting me!

[tjamick]

do you like robots and cameras?

[tjamick]

familarize your self with sonny chiba.

[AndersLevant]

What about Yao Ming? He's big, Asian, frightening, clumsy, and to cap it all off he has those pointed teeth like the Coneheads. What's not to love and admire?

[tjamick]

fine, i'll be more flattering (even though i'm a huge sonny chiba fan.)
akira kurosawa. he's cool, invented starwars, and tried to kill himself.

[tjamick]

or you could join the yakuza and get kick ass throwing stars.

[tjamick]

search "kpop"

[apotatojudge]

Fuck Yao Ming.

and

Fuck the Houston Rockets...
especially the newly acquired T-Mac.

There is only one team in Texas that matters...
and that's the motherfuckin'


SPURS.

[CptPlanet]

julie did you know that if you're a woman and you form opinions regarding sports that makes you a fucking ugly dyke?

[CptPlanet]

just kiddin sugarpie *MUAH MUAH* luv ya hunnie

[apotatojudge]

Perhaps.

[CptPlanet]

Julie if your standards are as low as mine then we're a match made in heaven.

[apotatojudge]

i am awesome.

[AndersLevant]

Listen, dudes, I've met plenty of ladies from San Antonio and please believe me when I say they are all hagard. Austin is the only place to find good women in Texas.

[apotatojudge]

No, the pill sucks.

[Treebeard]

I love you. I'm not kidding. At all. Those answers are perfection in message board form.

[AndersLevant]

There aren't too many hardcore liberal atheists in Texas. You ought to attend their weird rallies in Austin. And Bluebeard is Vonnegut's best book. The Da Vinci Code is a sad selection for the top five books.

[apotatojudge]

I like History.
I like Europe.
I like people who don't like Christians.

That's why the Da Vinci Code is NOT a bad choice.

Austin is filled with too many psuedo-intellectual vegan lesbians.

[3v3+Z]

RadioLeft (http://blog.radioleft.com/) is out of Texas. I wonder how big their drop-off in listeners was when Air America started. I know I rarely check in on that any more.

[AndersLevant]

Check out anything by Graham Hancock. He rights about history and Europe and how Christians are stupid. Also, Rand Flem-Ath. And I believe his name is Robert Bauval.

[CptPlanet]

Originally posted by apotatojudge
I like History.
I like Europe.
I like people who don't like Christians.

That's why the Da Vinci Code is NOT a bad choice.

Austin is filled with too many psuedo-intellectual vegan lesbians.

You must love the fucking Romans then.

[apotatojudge]

Originally posted by CptPlanet
You must love the fucking Romans then.

Yea, I'm goin' back to Italy over this coming Spring Break.

I just replied to this 'cause I was bored and I had a question...

Why is this steaming pile of shit already being replayed on Comedy Central?

[Treebeard]

because people are morons. i live in hicksville usa and the fools in my town just cant get enough of those inbred losers.

[apotatojudge]

Where you live?

[Treebeard]

west central illinois. avon to be exact. 900 people live in this town. it's not very cool. sunday i'll be back in champaign at the university of illinois. there are more people there, but still many hicks, no doubt.

[CptPlanet]

Julie that asian physicist is none other than Dr. Michio Kaku! Get it right next time bungsnack!

Also I think that let's get married.

[apotatojudge]

Yea, I knew it was something Kaku... I didn't feel like getting up to go see how to spell it. Or look it up.


Marriage is for pussies!
Let's fuck!

[apotatojudge]

Originally posted by Treebeard
west central illinois.

That sucks. Where is that in relation to Joliet?

Uuuuh, 'cause uhm... just wondering.


I live in Texas.
Can't get more hickville then that.

[CptPlanet]

have you ever been to lubbock? because i lived there until i was 10. except for when i was 4 because i lived in houston until i was 4 because i was born there.

if you look up lubbock on the map i think it has a mall or something i hope that helps!!!

[apotatojudge]

I know where Lubbock is, but I've never been.

I've only been to Austin a bunch when my gay ex-boyfriend's shitty emo band used to play up there, and Houston for a weekend this past Spring Break.

[CptPlanet]

Why does every cool girl on the internet have a gay ex-boyfriend with a shitty emo band? I swear to God that's like the third time I've heard that.

Also why don't you respond to my AIM messages you crabcake!

[Pali]

Because you smell like smegma, captain cunt.

[Treebeard]

Originally posted by apotatojudge
That sucks. Where is that in relation to Joliet?

Uuuuh, 'cause uhm... just wondering.

I'm a ways from Joliet. 2 and a half hours. I could totally meet you there, though. It's really not a big deal.

[apotatojudge]

I'm nowhere near Joliet; I just know there is this... thing... up there... in that city... that I have heard of... that's... uhm... uuuuuuuhhhh.

[Treebeard]

The prison? If that's not it, clue me in so I can play along.

[agent_PUNT]

I think the joke she is going with is that she knows where the prison is.. because her father is in there for raping her brother, and her brother is in there for selling 3 grams of weed to his neighbour.

You see both of those crimes deserve 20 years in Joliet.

Am I close?

[apotatojudge]

No, what I want to visit in Joliet is far more embarassing than a homosexual rapist father and molested pot smoking brother.

but, i've already said so much.

[Treebeard]

please tell us.

[apotatojudge]

julie ::secrets::

[Treebeard]

You want to go to the Joliet Motor Speedway? That's surprising. I was getting to the point where I was thinking that maybe there was a dildo factory there or something.

[agent_PUNT]

only in America will you have a maximum security prison, a race track and a dildo factory all in the same town.

How do they know when they have hit the MAXIMUM security at a prison? Did they try to add one more guard and the walls started to collapse?

Oh god, that's my Jerry Seinfeld impession I suppose.

[3v3+Z]

Originally posted by agent_PUNT
Oh god, that's my Jerry Seinfeld impession I suppose.
You say that like it's a bad thing. This is good. Go with it. "I mean, did the governor have to step in and say, 'I'm sorry. You've reached security saturation.' And what's the deal with the green bologna...?"

[CptPlanet]

Which reminds me (that's what a good segue looks like, take notes), I saw this thing on TV the other day... PURPLE KETCHUP. Who were the ad wizards that dreamed that one up? That's so crazy! I'm still reeling from the invention of the BLUE berry. What's next? Red oranges? I mean come on right?

[3v3+Z]

I was fucking serious, ass bottom. The green bologna thing is real. I forgot what state it was in, but there was some prison that was notoriously tough and they served green bologna.

Ever see Seinfeld in Oz on SNL? Killer.

[Treebeard]

link (http://www.correctionalnews.com/index.cfm?do=otm2&otm_id=37)

[apotatojudge]

I'm too lazy to read the article attached to that link.

Here is what I thought of, on the subject of prison: anyone ever try to make Pruno?

I just want to make it and try to sell it to thirteen year olds trying to get crunk.

[CptPlanet]

Oh it's some stupid shit about Sheriff Joe Arpaio. I live in Arizona and everyone I know hates that power tripping faggot. Way to go Sheriff Joe, you're doing a fantastic job of rehabilitating criminals and making sure they leave the prison system full of bitterness and violent urges. I'd love to see a fucking bullet in between his eyes.

[Treebeard]

what the hell is pruno? does it involve prunes and drano?

[apotatojudge]

It's this shit they make in prison that involves oranges, ketchup, sugar and other assorted shit that they turn to alcohol.

Here, make some yourself.

great with crackers and cheese. (http://www.blacktable.com/gillin030901.htm)

[CptPlanet]

when i was in third grade i left a ziploc baggie full of grapes in my locker all year and they turned into alcohol

[agent_PUNT]

Originally posted by CptPlanet
What's next? Red oranges? I mean come on right?

You talking about Blood oranges right? those things are freaky.