A dumb sketch i wrote

[tjamick]

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEE

[tjamick]

i didnt even notice that connection. god, i havent seen that show in such a long time.


as you can tell, its in need of some edits, but i got the idea while talking to a teacher of mine who's to become a GD. my friend told her she should make a twister wheel and use it to advise kids.

[baghutch]

i love how the guidance counselor is so quick to correct the students IQ. if this were ever actually played out, with the right delivery that would be fucking hilarious.

[tjamick]

It will probably be filmed within the next two weeks. i plan on trying to get a job writing for the second city, and i'll probably take it with me.

[RizzleMcIzzle]

The part about the leather butt chaps, although extremely disturbing, was great. The whole sketch is well written. One of 30 you said? I'd like to see some more.

[tjamick]

most are in a notebook, and i'm far to lazy to adapt them. i will eventually, but i just dont have the time.

[CptPlanet]

Holy shit tj. That was fucking awesome. Really fucking good. I wish I could write shit like that. The ideas come to me like strange fever dreams, but I never have the motivation or inspiration to expand upon them.

Anyway, even if you don't get a job with second city, at least know that you're funnier than anything that's ever been featured on Mad TV. Seriously though that was goddamn funny. Jesus Christ I'd love to see that sketch filmed properly. You've got serious talent and I hope you don't throw it away on drugs and sugary snacks.

[tjamick]

the drugs only help, but as a diabetic i should keep away from that little dabbie harlet.

[CptPlanet]

SET YOUR ALARM FOR 4:20 CUZ WE'RE GONNA SMOKE IT NIGGAAAAAAA

[RizzleMcIzzle]

most are in a notebook, and i'm far to lazy to adapt them. i will eventually, but i just dont have the time.

Ok, that's cool. Take your time. Just letting you know it'd be well worth it to share more with the rest of us. :D

Hey CptPlanet, what ever happened to Ace Strongfoot or whatever his name was? I remember reading that story in a thread one night a while ago and just laughing my ass off.

In any case, you guys are both funny mo-fo's.

[CptPlanet]

Originally posted by RizzleMcIzzle
Ok, that's cool. Take your time. Just letting you know it'd be well worth it to share more with the rest of us. :D

Hey CptPlanet, what ever happened to Ace Strongfoot or whatever his name was? I remember reading that story in a thread one night a while ago and just laughing my ass off.

In any case, you guys are both funny mo-fo's.

Holy shit someone read that? *BLUSH* xoxoxoxo

The .doc file isn't there because I'm too poor to pay for my hosting but I can send it to you on AIM or something if you want. Or are you asking me what actually happened to him? I don't really believe in sequels so I'll just say that whatever you want to happen to him, whatever you believe in your heart of hearts happened to him, that's what happened to him!

You've just discovered the magic of reading!

[tjamick]

i was just looking through it to see what would be worth typing, alot of them probably dont seem too funny in script form, also, on that one i was very meticulus becouse i was actually making it for a friend so he could have an idea of my style. i'll probably post a few more over the next 2-3 days.

[RizzleMcIzzle]

Oh yeah that's right. You mentioned something about your hosting before. But I didn't even remember which thread the story was in, that's really why I never read it again. Sure, I wouldn't mind if you sent it to me sometime. I don't know when, since sometime is so broad. As for sequels, they tend to ruin the originals, so it's better you not believe in them. I guess I will imagine all kinds of new, amazing adventures just as soon as I read it again!

[CptPlanet]

Please please do. You've got a very good sense of what works and what doesn't. It's really sad to see a decent idea ruined because the writers were trying too hard (again, see Mad TV). You know how to play it down and give the jokes some space. I'm not sure if I'm explaining it quite right but the point is I like your style. I'm really eager to see what else you've come up with.

Are you going to check out Second City when you go to Vegas?

[tjamick]

yes, i'm also going to be seeing carlin, which i think i already had told you about. on the topic of writers on mad tv, they are actually pretty good. cheack out some of their other works. the problem with that show is mike mcdonald, the head writer, and the show's producers. they make changes to the sketches and fuck around with them to suit their own likes and dislikes, not to mention the horrible acting. remember, dino wrote for mad tv.

[CptPlanet]

Dude take notes when you're at Carlin. That is what it looks like when a comic knows his shit. I swear to God, you'll be sitting on the plane trying to sleep off a hangover, and you'll all of a sudden remember something from his act and lose your shit laughing. That was happening to me for about a month after I saw him.

As for Mad TV, I have a hard time believing one man can fuck up that much, but then again, I'd have a hard time believing that any group of people could fuck up that much either. If they're as talented as you say, then that must be the most frustrating job in the fucking world. The reason I'm hesitant to believe that there is actual talent there is because I can't see how talent could be sabotaged that horribly.

The very premises of the sketches, and the atmosphere surrounding them, seem horribly juvenile and flawed and completely lacking in every respect. It's compounded exponentially by the fact that they just seem to take a bad idea and run with it and keep running with it no matter how thin the original premise was and how completely unfunny it gets. It takes a superhuman amount of disdain for the art of comedy to fuck up something that bad.

I'm surprised that Dino made it out of there without any bloodshed.


GEEEEZ TELL US WHAT YOU REALLY THINK :rolleyes:

[tjamick]

this is a bump becouse i'm childish and need acceptence

[CptPlanet]

Your face is about to be accepting my fist if you don't watch it.

[Pali]

That is really impressive tjamick, and funny too. If the rest of your ideas are as well developed as that then you've got a really good thing going there.

I'd post some of my own stuff (some of which I've already performed) but its unashamedly British, and so half of the humour is in the delivery. That's a polite (to myself) way of saying that it's utter cack if you don't use a funny voice. That little scene of yours is great even in purely written form though, and with a strong performance would be brilliant.

Carlin is a God.

[tjamick]

thanks. alot of my stuff is hard to find funny if only read, which is why i chose this one.

[CptPlanet]

teej it would be an honor to have you molest my daughter.

[tjamick]

is she hot? if she's under 6 i'll tap that ass regardless, 7-12 maybe if she looks younger, 13-up sorry buddy, but i dont dig old people.

i should back off on all of the incest/pedophillia jokes, i'm begining to scare myself, but my little brother is looking mighty sexy.

[tjamick]

i'm actually in the begining stages of this really bizzare sketch about a televangalist who tells people that he has jesus's phone number, but it costs alot to call him becouse heaven is so damn far away. its based on peter popoff (http://www.peterpopoff.org), he sells this thing called the miracle spring water on infomecials on BET and comedy central at 6 in the morning.

[Pali]

Haha! that's great, explaining that he can't go around giving the number out, because Jesus is so darn busy these days with all the evil around.

He could maybe foreward questions to Jesus for a small fee!

Thinking about this, you should probably refrain from posting your ideas on the interweb..there's some pretty evil people around who would steal your ideas and use them to fund international terrorism.

[tjamick]

Random joke time:


Q: why wont my dad let me see his ass?
A: becouse he's very modest.

[CptPlanet]

Alright fat fuck, you promised more sketches in 2-3 days. All I see is one more sketch. Either you don't understand how plural nouns work or ONE OF US IS A LIAR.

Which one is it bucko? It's time to shape up or ship out.

[tjamick]

sorry. i have this great sketch that i made a few months ago that is very popular amoung the people who have heard it, not to mention its my favorite, but the problem is that when i though of it i had a great begining and a better ending, but the middle is so awful that i'm ashamed to post it. i've been trying for a few weeks to think of a clever, witty middle, but nothings coming to me. today or tomorrow i'll post a sketch about a normal couple's adventure in a crazy FRENCH-run eatery where nothing is as it seems, but now i i have to go to summer school so i can get credit for the creative writing class i failed.

[funni boi]

that suked yo, u wanna c somtin reel funny? watch dat stuart guy hes state up funny. lol


WHAT?
OK!

[CptPlanet]

I just reported your post. Go away you fat queer.

[RizzleMcIzzle]

My dad just went to some type of assembly at a church the other day with my grandmom. It was some guy who believes he has the power to heal people, but it gets better because he also said he healed his broken air conditioner and got some lady's car to work when it broke down.

Anyway, the reason I mention this is because you could probably write an awesome sketch about something like this or add it into your other one. It could just be some guy who heals appliances or something dumb like that.

You don't have to use it, I just thought I'd mention it since you have the ability to actually make something like this funny.

[tjamick]

i will, without a doubt add that. thats one of the funniest things i've ever heard.

[CptPlanet]

I think that Gary Larson already did a Far Side strip about a faith healer/appliance repairman waaaaay back in the day.

[RizzleMcIzzle]

Damn, I was hoping it wasn't used. Ok, well then it should be something else absurd involving miracles. Maybe somebody has the power to perform miracles, but instead uses them for his own selfish desires, like fixing his air conditioner and stuff. Although this still seems similiar to some things....

It's hard to be original this day and age. :(

[3v3+Z]

Originally posted by tjamick
i figure that its cool on this site just becouse our posters have the decency not to plagerize.

Firstly, you can't really be sure of that until it's too late. Secondwise, it's not just the people who post here you'd have to worry about. This forum is open to the whole world.

Originally posted by tjamick
...Mr. Grant is spinning a pin-WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEl...

When I hear the term "pinwheel", I picture something like this:
http://www.worldplay.org/paw/images/pinwheel.jpg

But as I read your description, I picture something more like this:
http://www.allgamingshop.com/images/Maxi%20Wheel%20Web.JPG

Sorry to pick a nit, but I figure it's better to work out a detail like that HERE than in some important pitch session or in front of an audience. Or is it MY definitions that are off?


Concerning "Mad TV" and Mike McDonald, yes the show is shit and yes Mikes sketches are shit, but I wouldn't say that's necessarily Mike's fault. I heard him do standup on the Un-Cabaret radio show on the Comedy World Radio Network (back when that existed) and he was fucking funny! I've probably referenced this before, but one of my favorite episodes of "The Larry Sanders Show" deals with Phil the writer getting a gig to write a sit-com. The network people reel him in by telling him how much they LOVE his ideas and stuff. Then they start changing this, and they start changing that, and they bring in Dave Chappelle and it starts becoming a BLACK show. It's like, the finished product has absolutely NOTHING to do with the original idea. And I find it VERY easy to believe that that happens A LOT! Probably more often than not.

Patton Oswalt was EXTREMELY frustrated by his experience as a writer on "Mad TV". He KNEW there was some talent there and I think that just made it all the more frustrating and confusing that 99% of what got on the air was utter shit.

I happened to catch their "Felicity" parody for the first time a couple weeks ago. It's supposed to be kind of legendary, I guess. One of TV Guide's top something-or-other funny TV thing-deals or whatever. Not good. Not even not good in a way like there was too much build up and it couldn't live up to my expectations. Just plain not good. That show is ALMOST Arli$$-bad! ALMOST!

[tjamick]

it was written as "spinwheel", but spellcheack switched it to pinwheel. whe i say spin wheel i'm talking about those things used on boards game (twister, life etc) which, in retrospect should be called a spinner, but like i said, it IS a rough draft, so these things will all be fixed before its official. i know that its not the smartest thing to do, posting them here, but i really could care less if it was stolen. i wouldnt be too happy about it, but each sketch i write is funnier then the last, so its no big deal.

[Pali]

(note: I noticed David Cross' recent inclincation to use an asterix to denote a subject for which further information is available at the end of the post, and I have decided to copy him.)



Originally posted by 3v3+Z
Firstly, you can't really be sure of that until it's too late. Secondwise, it's not just the people who post here you'd have to worry about. This forum is open to the whole world.


I was about to say something like that, having been the victim of plagiarism myself, I know how vindictive and downright shameless some people are. Luckily when it happened to me, the guy who did it fucked up so bad with the idea* that it didn't really matter anyway. Or perhaps the idea was shit..well whatever. A lesson learned is a lesson gained as they say!




*The idea was a sandwich.

[tjamick]

i removed it. i figure that every one's read it anyways, so it doesnt matter, and if any one wants to see, which i doubt, it i'd gladly e-mail it.

tell me about this sandwich. if t.g.i. fridays took it then it looks to me like we have a celebrity in our midst*.

i know this sounds dumb, corny, lame and as if i find humor in idiocy, but the thought of a british guy making a sandwhich and having it stolen from him is so fucking hilarious.


































































* i've been doing these forever, but some "known" "jokester" does one, and its all the rage?

[3v3+Z]

Asterisks* huh?


























*Hey, wouldn't it be HILARIOUS to invert it so that the main part barely -- if at all -- qualifies as a real sentence, then the shit the asterisk is leading to goes on for fucking EVER!! What a fucking GENIUS idea that is!! (Not quite as good as putting everything in parenthesis {or other kinds of brackets within brackets, for that matter} but good nonetheless. Well, it is a little less, as I suppose I already admitted, but I digress. Speaking of which, aren't digressions GREAT! I mean you can just go all the fuck OVER the place. It allows you such FREEDOM! I mean, I could go off on some bullshit about that show "The Electric Company" or Creme Eggs from Cadbury and pass it off as a digression. And it's all that much sweeter knowing that I'm STILL in FUCKING PARENTHESIS!!) Shit, I hope no one steals THIS idea!! It's the best one I've ever had, and I'm beginning to have doubts that it's any good!! Maybe I should have listened when the producers of "Mad TV" told me that I'm not even good enough for THEM!

But hey, what about multiple paragraphs coming off of an asterisk? That's not bad, is it? And then when I feel like admitting that I ran out of ideas somewhere in the middle of the first full sentence, I can throw the ol' ellipsis thingy on there and just...

[tjamick]

only problem is that that was one of the most boring things i ever read. it made me hate you, and in a sense i still do.

[3v3+Z]

Originally posted by tjamick
only problem is that that was one of the most boring things i ever read.

What, that's IT? Well, that seems like an easy enough obstacle to overcome.

Originally posted by tjamick
it made me hate you, and in a sense i still do.

Wow! Now that's a lingering hate. You carried it over passed a whole comma. Just for that I'm going to plagiarize your ass! And you can't even prove that it's yours 'cuz you fucking DELETED it!!! Ha-HAAAAA! How ya like me NOW, funboy???

[tjamick]

stop it or you'll make me cry on you!

[agent_PUNT]

*Well Steve, that was quite the concept you thought** of!








































** and by "thought of" I meant "Stole from me" because I've been doing this*** for years!




































***and by this I mean jokes outside of jokes... and now look at this: a triple asterix!!! I totally took this to the next obvious level and there is nothing anyone can do about it! Ahaha, and what makes it funnier is that no one has ever used asterix's before me...except that Steve guy...and man, that guy is brilliant, I should write him a little note* to say thanks....

(infinite loop baby)