Tjamick Dice Gay

[klaus_kinski]

So what happened? Tell us everything about your stand-up experience. Or, just tell me in a Private Message. But I am sure I am not the only person dying to know.

[TomWopat]

I want audio/video/transcript

[Pali]

Originally posted by klaus_kinski
So what happened? Tell us everything about your stand-up experience. Or, just tell me in a Private Message. But I am sure I am not the only person dying to know.

Indeed you aren't, but we can all look forward to a recording he's putting together. So never fear!

[tjamick]

I did alright. I only had time for 3 bits plus a few lines, but a guy tried to heckle me, so i started making fun of him for a bit. My bit's either werent too good (not too many laughs), were poorly delivered or lost some funny because i was a little nervous. not too nervous though. They only allow people to go up for 5 minutes, then they cut your mic and play music untill you leave the stage, so i was sure to get off right before they had to cut the mic. I have a few more idea for next time. for instance, a lot of people would see the light go on and say "okay, before i go, i have one peice of advicxe for you..." then start to tyalk, only to have their mic cut while doing it, so i want to go up and right when the light goes on, tell them that i have some advice, then right as i begin, my mic will be cut. I'll stay on stage for two minutes talking about reaching for your dreams and other shit.

I'm gonna send out DVD's once i get more sets on tape, but for now here's a link to the recording (keep in mind that this was only my second time going up.)
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/nutwoods/stand%20up1.mp3

[scotch-romanian]

holy shit that takes balls. your riffs on the audience made me laugh, and you pick yourself up really well too.

put it on criterion.

[5InchTaint]

Sounds like you bombed up there. That's all right though, you had the balls to do it and you did get some laughs. I think you'll do better next time when you're more comfortable on stage. You seemed a bit rushed in your delivery. Good for you, TJ. It's definitely not an easy thing to do.

[tjamick]

yeah, i felt rushed at the end because the light went on right when i said "Rick Satorum", and I only had 30 seconds from there before the tech guy made a fool me. I don't think i bombed though. there were only 25 or so people there, and most of them laughed for the most part. I have video of the other preformers, so you can see how good I did in comparison.

There was one guy there who will, with out a doubt, be (good) comedy's next big thing. I forget his name, but everyone was cracking up throughout his set. I'll talk to him at the next open mic and see if i can put some of his stuff on the net or see if he has a website.

[5InchTaint]

Originally posted by tjamick
I have video of the other preformers, so you can see how good I did in comparison.

I'd like to see that.

[AndersLevant]

That Rich Santorum guy, he's a real jerk. Boy, am I glad I don't have a ridiculously conservative power-mad Congressman representing me. Right, guys?

[RizzleMcIzzle]

Way to stick it to Rick, TJ! I was really looking forward to hearing you do those impressions instead of just reading them on here, so that was great. I thought you did very well considering your lack of experience and time on stage. Keep up the good work.

[tjamick]

Thanks.

P.S. I have a stupid voice.

[ME!!!!]

I could never go up on stage and do a traditional stand-up ruitine. That took balls.

It's good to know someone else has used the term Celebrity Justice in their creative endevors.

P.S. My favorite joke was probably the cutting a bagel diagonal one. But I'm a simple man.

[Brain Stew]

I liked the joke about black box recorder jokes. Too bad the audience didn't :(.

[agent_PUNT]

Okay here's my 2 cents.

It's awesome that you got up there and tried risky stuff instead of just telling straight punchline jokes. That's good. The fact that you went up at all is good. The fact that you are willing to share it with us assholes is even better!


It seemed like your best material came when you were most comfortable.

Like when you were trashing the guy in the audience it seems relaxed and comes across smoothly. The "impressions", which you've done alot were really good too.

When you tried to tell the Youngstown story you rushed it and it seemed forced.

I think if you just get more comfortable being up there you could tell a similar story and get a good laugh. It's obviously still about tweaking and getting experience. Same goes for the Rick Santorum joke.

Now. In one month when I go up on stage for the first time ever, I'll be sure to record it for all of y'all.

I'm proud of you TJ. You certainly Got It Dun!

[TomWopat]

I loved it. Coulda used more ninja, though.

I wish I could express in more words what I liked about it, but I'm from Louisiana.

[Stabby]

He flowed with and responded to the audience. Which is really good. A lot of those open mic-ers just do the, head-down high school hallway walk and they just trudge through with their material and never really sinc up with the audience. I thik thats a really key thing(?) you had, even if your comfort changed lengths and junk and stuff. Plus TJ has a cool voice huh.

[ComedySnobedy]

I feel that maybe we are family was a bad song to bring you to the stage... Diagonal Bagel was terrific.

[MattLittle]

Trust me, EVERY song was a bad song with which to bring a person to the stage.

[ComedySnobedy]

Oh, how would you knwo, what were you, the MC?

[teengirlsquad]

i love love love the aeroplanes first comedian ever impression -its the best. THE BEST.

[Brain Stew]

Originally posted by teengirlsquad
i love love love the aeroplanes first comedian ever impression -its the best. THE BEST.
As I said in my previous post, it was really good.

[agent_PUNT]

"I hated that joke" - Some Historian Jerkbag.

[klaus_kinski]

I finally listened to and and thought it was pretty good. You sounded really confident man. Good work

And I especially liked your remark about the Livestrong bracelet. You know how I feel about those stupid things.

Good work! You've got balls

[Pali]

That was great. I've seen a lot of open mics (in London, mind you) and they are inevitably overrun by assholes who have absolutely nothing to say, but are trying to come by that secret formula for cookie-cutter insta-jokes. All you need in my opinion is more confidence, plus the ability to weed out the weaker parts of your act.

Though, of course, the most important part is enjoying it! ;)

[tjamick]

yeah, i've been doing a lot of weeding lately. I'm trying to take out my weaker bits and make the somewhat weak bits that
I like stronger. I'm gonna go up again on wednesday, so I'll try to put up more audio. I'll have to cut some out because i think I may do the Impressions again because they're my strongest bit.

I've written two new bits this week which i'm gonna try out, and I'm gonna take a new angle on the O'Jays bit.

[ME!!!!]

Try to put something about fucking Atlantis Moresette in your Joey from Full House impression. Just for me.

[tjamick]

"Hey, Alannis, um, whats that thing called you use on the sinks? I'm thinking it's "Draner". Am I close?"

[ME!!!!]

I belive I said Atlantis.

[AHK86]

Wow your all talk tj...and i mean that in a good way. Looks like you have a knack for funny business. Do more! ;)

[tjamick]

I'll have more up on wednesday or thursday. I'm gonna do the impressions again because I feel that it's my strongest bit, but other then that I'm doing all new stuff.

[3v3+Z]

Wow. How is it that have I not yet contributed to this thread? Maybe because I can't think of something to say that doesn't sound as trite as "you go, girl". But seriously, you go, girl.

[tjamick]

tell me what I did wrong. Thats really what I prefer to hear.

[AHK86]

You need a theme. You would use it to set up your otherwise weak jokes. Some of the things you said were without a warrant which would make your act a lot better. Like "you might be a redneck.....".

[3v3+Z]

Originally posted by tjamick
tell me what I did wrong. Thats really what I prefer to hear.
O-key-doke. Let's break this shit down, shall we? (WAY the fuck down!)

I like the bagel sandwich joke. I don't know if there's a way to make it work on stage, but I like it a lot. You know what it reminds me of? You're gonna be insulted by this, but please don't, but you will anyway. You know the movie "Punchline"? There's this kind of writing that's VERY difficult to do well where you have to write something that actually IS funny, but would bomb in front of an audience. Do you see what I'm saying. In "Punchline", they had to write stuff that the MOVIE audience would recognize was funny, but they would easily understand that it might not go over well in a club. I just said the same fucking thing twice. Sorry. Anyway, that's almost as difficult as writing something that ISN'T funny, but it's easy to see where the idiotic masses WOULD laugh at it. See: "The King of Comedy", "The Ratings Game" (made for TV w/ Danny DeVito & Rhea Perlman) and, once again, "Punchline". What I'm saying is, if you can't find a way to make that line work in standup, DON'T THROW IT OUT! Save it for a future, non-standup project.

That hotel/soda thing: the silence was fucking BRUTAL! I could just FEEL that the 30 seconds that that took must've felt like for-fucking-EVER up there! It was hard to tell exactly what you were saying due to the poor audio quality in the recording, so I couldn't tell you exactly what went wrong. But it seemed to frame that "fire extinguisher" bit rather poorly. And by framing it poorly I mean it's a postage stamp in a 3' x 4' frame. Again, I had a hard time making out what you were saying in the lead up, but the point is that the audience wasn't responding well to it and there was a GOOD joke at the end that I think was lost on the audience because it seemed attached to this other bit that they weren't digging.

Impressions: good premise. I have no specific advice. That's just something that naturally works itself out. You do it a little different each time and figure out little things that work and little things that don't. That pretty much goes for EVERYTHING in standup. Also, it's so fucking obvious that there is absolutely no need for me to mention it.

Couldn't understand that "bracelet" thing, due to audio quality issues again. Seemed to be a good message there, though. And what could be a better comedy concept for the masses than "ball cancer"?

"52%": Fucking BRILLIANT! Love it!

The "Celebrity Justice"/"Rick Santorum" bit seems to have legs. If it weren't rushed, it could've been gold!


Now everybody shut up, 'cuz "Eskimo Blue Day" by Jefferson Airplane just came up on my iTunes after TJ's thing. You don't know that song. You SHOULD, though! Fucking commercial radio assholes, only playing "Somebody to Love" and "White Rabbit"! (The latter is actually quite good, I think, but you get the point.) This "doesn't mean shit" to anyone but me. Sorry. Back on topic, next guy.

[Change Thief]

One day I will try stand up, and I will post a recording here. I have a ton of material written, but there's just no place to try it out.

[ME!!!!]

Originally posted by tjamick
tell me what I did wrong. Thats really what I prefer to hear.

Lose the Soda-Running-Hotel thing. It sounds to similar to some latin comic's bit about her wedding thing I saw on premium bland in the dilivery .i.e bad.

I don't think you hammered the "First Stand-up Comic" bit in enough. I think you should put in more of 'em. Try and walk the line though and don't turn it into a gimmick or crutch.

Also use the word "Whore". Everyone on comedycentral laughs when someone says that.

[agent_PUNT]

Originally posted by ME!!!!
I don't think you hammered the "First Stand-up Comic" bit in enough. I think you should put in more of 'em. .

yeah, i think that you should have like 2 or maybe even 3 jokes by the old timer and the last one being the aeroplane one.


maybe make all three spoofs of famous Chris Rock jokes, or any 3 famous jokes.

That would be great. in my humble opinion.*


*that asterix** was a mistake

**asterix or asterik?

[Brain Stew]

Originally posted by agent_PUNT
**asterix or asterik?
asterisk

Oh, and I will say it again, the first stand-up comedian was my favorite bit. Do more jokes about that! Like:

Did you ever notice the difference between white and black people? White people say: "OH! I think I shall have a bit of toffee today!" and black people are all like: "Yes sir! I understand that I am not as important as you are since I don't have civil rights!"

Yeah, it's lame.

[AHK86]

I'd like to give you a second piece of advice....
Ignore the following
Originally posted by 3v3+Z
O-key-doke. Let's break this shit down, shall we? (WAY the fuck down!)

I like the bagel sandwich joke. I don't know if there's a way to make it work on stage, but I like it a lot. You know what it reminds me of? You're gonna be insulted by this, but please don't, but you will anyway. You know the movie "Punchline"? There's this kind of writing that's VERY difficult to do well where you have to write something that actually IS funny, but would bomb in front of an audience. Do you see what I'm saying. In "Punchline", they had to write stuff that the MOVIE audience would recognize was funny, but they would easily understand that it might not go over well in a club. I just said the same fucking thing twice. Sorry. Anyway, that's almost as difficult as writing something that ISN'T funny, but it's easy to see where the idiotic masses WOULD laugh at it. See: "The King of Comedy", "The Ratings Game" (made for TV w/ Danny DeVito & Rhea Perlman) and, once again, "Punchline". What I'm saying is, if you can't find a way to make that line work in standup, DON'T THROW IT OUT! Save it for a future, non-standup project.

That hotel/soda thing: the silence was fucking BRUTAL! I could just FEEL that the 30 seconds that that took must've felt like for-fucking-EVER up there! It was hard to tell exactly what you were saying due to the poor audio quality in the recording, so I couldn't tell you exactly what went wrong. But it seemed to frame that "fire extinguisher" bit rather poorly. And by framing it poorly I mean it's a postage stamp in a 3' x 4' frame. Again, I had a hard time making out what you were saying in the lead up, but the point is that the audience wasn't responding well to it and there was a GOOD joke at the end that I think was lost on the audience because it seemed attached to this other bit that they weren't digging.

Impressions: good premise. I have no specific advice. That's just something that naturally works itself out. You do it a little different each time and figure out little things that work and little things that don't. That pretty much goes for EVERYTHING in standup. Also, it's so fucking obvious that there is absolutely no need for me to mention it.

Couldn't understand that "bracelet" thing, due to audio quality issues again. Seemed to be a good message there, though. And what could be a better comedy concept for the masses than "ball cancer"?

"52%": Fucking BRILLIANT! Love it!

The "Celebrity Justice"/"Rick Santorum" bit seems to have legs. If it weren't rushed, it could've been gold!


Now everybody shut up, 'cuz "Eskimo Blue Day" by Jefferson Airplane just came up on my iTunes after TJ's thing. You don't know that song. You SHOULD, though! Fucking commercial radio assholes, only playing "Somebody to Love" and "White Rabbit"! (The latter is actually quite good, I think, but you get the point.) This "doesn't mean shit" to anyone but me. Sorry. Back on topic, next guy.
http://www.blowupthemoon.com/community/member2.php?s=&action=addlist&userlist=ignore&userid=595 (click here) click here (http://www.blowupthemoon.com/community/member2.php?s=&action=addlist&userlist=ignore&userid=595)

[CptPlanet]

hahaha wow how did you mess up the tags on that link so horribly?

also i don't value your opinions.

[Dart Shitter]

Just listened so this opinion is fresh and off the top of my head

Bagel joke great, i was thinking of following up "i asked her/him to cut it diagnoally"(pause) Sarcastically--"and she/he look at me like I was retarded," emphasis on the I. I feel this might work well because with a smart joke like asking for a bagel to be cut diagnoally, at least with an open mic audience, you need might need to pad it with a lil helper line. Plus retarded is a guranteed funny word.


Impressions were good

fuck those stupid livestrong bracelets and fuck lance armstrong for pimpin cancer
I've been waiting for some one to kock him off his high horse with 8 speeds and water bottle holder attachment

I would keep "it almost made the paper" around and use it frequently even if it doesn't literally make sense

you did feel rushed but way to have the balls to go up there and give it a shot

p.s. check your balls for cancer

[tjamick]

I'm working on a bit about how getting cancer is the next big thing for athletes that partake in boring sports. I'm also using Nick's joke about selling arange bracelets to people who have lost their LIVESTRONG ones.

[Change Thief]

You should either do a bit based on Chris Rock's "Niggers vs. Black People" bit, but do "Crackers vs. White People", with there being no differences between said crackers and said white people.

[Pali]

Wait wait wait, I thought it was 'cracka,' not 'cracker.'

Someone clear this up please, it's most important I find out which is correct.

[AHK86]

I just googled "what kinda of people live in tennessee" and it turns out its cracka. Crackers on the other hand are those things you feed to ducks and white people.

[agent_PUNT]

it's actually best if you feed lettuce to ducks. Crackers and bread are hard for them to digest.

No joke here, just a fact.

[JohnDenver]

I like the bagel joke.

I have this vague recollection of some "Evening at the Improv"-type bullshit I saw about 15 years ago where one of the standups did a few bits similar to the bagel joke, where the audience has to think about the punchline for a few beats before realizing why it's funny. After the first one bombed he explained that he tells what he called "joke grenades" (or something), where you tell them, wait three seconds, and then the crowd laughs. That set him up so that the next time he told one of those jokes, he pantomimed pulling a pin and tossing a grenade, and it gave the audience something to fix on while they figured out why the joke was clever, instead of just sitting there in silence. It was actually pretty funny. I don't know if I'm explaining this at all well, and I'm definitely not saying you should do something like this, but my point is simply that bagel sandwich was a funny joke, and there are ways of making it work, but it may be asking a bit much of an open mic night crowd to lead with it.

Also, I don't know if this is excessively hacky, but when a bit doesn't go as well as you'd hoped, could you follow it with a tossed-off line, for example, self depracating (Mitch Hedberg: "That joke wasn't funny, man.") or aggressive (Lewis Black: "Fuck you, that was funny.")? This is not so much for a laugh as it is to help you maintain your rhythm so you don't just trail off. I'm sure you'll come up with something with which you're comfortable.

Otherwise, you've got a good voice and delivery. Impressions: great, calling the guy in the audience out: great, Ball cancer: great
Congrats!

[agent_PUNT]

it sounded like the audience DID get the bagel joke, they just had to think about it.

that should be punished.

[AHK86]

I hope you didn't miss Carlos Mencia. There was a whole lot of material that could have inspired you there.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[JohnDenver]

Yeah they got it, it's just that Steve said something earlier about it not working on stage but I though it worked really well so I went all hyper-critical and where's my fucking Thorazine?!?

[Stabby]

sweet TJ, you got John Denver as a fan!

Now play Annie's Song!

[JohnDenver]

You fill up my senses
Like a nutsack in the forest...

[CptPlanet]

TJ you should make jokes about life because as John Denver said "life ain't nothin but a funny funny riddallllllllll... thank god i'm a country boy"

[Treebeard]

Originally posted by CptPlanet
TJ you should make jokes about life because as John Denver said "life ain't nothin but a funny funny riddallllllllll... thank god i'm a country boy"

my roommate last year actually loved that song

and the save a horse ride a cowboy song

[SushiBarMachine]

aaah... you gotta rebound
________
Iolite Vaporizer Battery (http://www.vaporshop.com)

[JohnDenver]

Originally posted by CptPlanet
John Denver said "life ain't nothin but a funny funny riddallllllllll..."

The riddle, of course, being:"Why the fuck did the fuel light just come on?"

**crickets**

[Tommy]

Seriously dude, I think it would of went better if you only did one joke, and filled the rest of the time trying to convince the audience that you were holding a baby that was trying to sleep.

[3v3+Z]

I was just thinking about this thread yesterday. I MAY have an idea for Teej. Thanks for bumping my brain, Toe-MAHS.

I was opening up a DVD yesterday, thinking about how hacky it is to complain about the shrinkwrap they use on CDs & DVDs. But then I was thinking that that's something that could probably be rather easily applied to old technology for that little "AIR-o-plane" type twist. Just a thought. Use it or don't. Whatever.

[aw!tte]

OK-- some advice from someone who never had the balls to do this himself:

I like the "first stand-up comic" idea-- especially riffing on well established (why don't they make the whole plane out of the black box) comedic material. Sooo...

World's first prop comic? Go find some Amish looking shite and go a little Carrot-Top on it... (the comedy is in the lameness)

Some early riff on "You might be a Redneck if...", like from when the Ellis Island immigration boom made the Irish out to be the world's worst ethnicity. "You might be a Mick if..."

How about jokes about shit that hadn't happened yet? "So Lindburgh just flew to Paris and boy are his arms tired! Man, what I wouldn't give to be his kid!" or "What was so great about that 'Great War'? LEt me just say those French were a force to be reckoned with-- them Krauts won't try that again!" or "Did you hear that famous actor Fatty Arbuckle just signed a contract with Coca-Cola to promote their beverage at soda-fountains? Nearly one-hundred dollars they paid-- wonder how Fatty is going to live up to that kind fo contract?"

OK-- those are shite examples, but you get the idea-- what are some things that a early stand up comic would find amazing or impossible that have actually come to pass?

Just a thought, dude. Good set-- and much respect for having the gonads.

[tjamick]

i wrote another 20's joke about the polio vaccine and did it like a viagra joke, but it didnt have the same feel. I think i'll have to get stoned and watch 40 days and 41 nights again.

[Guile]

I want to be a comedian

Im starting to write jokes. but I'm a real shy guy and it'll take a big step to get on stage, but I'm going to after I feel very strong about my material

Anyways the reason I brough this up is I want some advice, any advice... you got any?

[scotch-romanian]

Try this thread:

http://www.blowupthemoon.com/community/showthread.php?s=&threadid=445

[CptPlanet]

i want to be a doctor do we have a doctors forum?

[tjamick]

Hey ladies in gentelmen, here's some more stand up from your buddy Zany TJ (http://pinkzappa.com/standup.mp3).

[AndersLevant]

I loved the impressions.

[AndersLevant]

And the chromosome 21 joke.

[Stabby]

huzzah!

[agent_PUNT]

if the audience is too dumb to get the "21" joke, good chance they won't get the "scientist" follow-up.

Which is why I'm glad you left it in. It makes it even more funny for people who get the first joke.

[J vs W]

Butt sex got a good laugh. That was really funny though. Keep it up kid! You got the stuff! Your going places! Reach for the stars!

[Kelsy]

I already told you I liked it, but might as well post my feeling so everyone else can see.

[CptPlanet]

Originally posted by tjamick
Hey ladies in gentelmen

That sounds a little niche for my tastes but I'll try anything once.

[5InchTaint]

My favorite part. No offense.

Come on!!! (http://home.comcast.net/~inhibitors/mp3/comeon.mp3)

loop it for maximum effect.

[tjamick]

The MC is a huge hack. He's been doing the same act sinse the mid-80's and is always snickering during his sets. I really can't explain how bad he is. I'll try to tape one of his acts some time.

[Roddimus]

I love it.
The 21 joke was perfect. Just to poke 'em even more, it'd be fun to add something about how no one comes in second, only third. Or something.
Keep it up bro. You're a hard core performer.
You've got the touch. You've got the power.
YEAH!

[Pali]

Kudos TJ.

[tjamick]

yeah, i have a half new one. it was recorded about 2 months ago and half the jokes are new. it takes forever to download, but if you want to Kelsy is hosting it at http://www.pinkzappa.com/tj.mp3 .

I wasn't going to put it up, but i went against that and did instead.

EDIT: It takes a really long time, so open the window and ignore it

[nothreat]

I think this showed alot of improvement if I'm right in thinking that I listened to the last one. As a member of the public and an asshole on a message board I'd say you should keep at it.

Just so you know the end of the track seemed to be cut off and it didn't take long for me to d/l at all so I may have missed somthing.

[Rabot]

Look at me I'm TJ and I like to steal bits from Conan and feign ignorance about it.

Just kidding teeg I love you.