ATTN Pittsburgh Lurkers

[tjamick]

I'll be doing a 5 mionute stand up set at the Improv at the waterfront next wednesday. Come if you want, but don't let me know you're there untill I've finished.

[RizzleMcIzzle]

Good luck, TJ. Don't forget to use my Wonder Years jokes.

What's Kevin Arnold's favorite car?
A Winnie Cooper!

What did Wayne call Kevin when he dropped the glass?
Butthead!

What did Kevin's dad do when Kevin did anything?
He yelled!

What did Kevin's grandfather say when he ate the potatoes Kevin's mom made?
"Pepper gives me gas!"

What did Paul Pfeiffer do after Wonder Years ended?
He became Marilyn Manson!

What did Daniel Stern do after Wonder Years ended?
He starred in Bushwhacked!

What else did Daniel Stern do after Wonder Years ended?
He became unemployed!


Again, good luck!

[The Pilot]

I'll be there.

[tjamick]

Sweet. Again, introduce yourself AFTER I've done my set. It'll be cool to meet people from the site, even though i know i'll only get a few chuckles at the most.

[TomWopat]

You should also do race jokes.

Q: What do you call eight black people at the bottom of the ocean?

A: A mass drowning.

[The Pilot]

I'll probably be sitting in the front row.

[tjamick]

you better bring a tarp because i plan on smashing other comedians with my mallet.

[The Pilot]

I'm actually an unsuccessful Seinfeld reference.

[tjamick]

I'm actually Seinfeld.


Whats the deal with peanut butter? It doesnt look like a peanut, and you can't make grilled cheese with it! What's next, apple butter?

[Brain Stew]

I hope you do some "You might be a ninja if..." jokes. Those are the best.

You might be a ninja if you consider your dojo to be the center for acheiving all wisdom and enlightment!

[TomWopat]

You should have some old guy come up on stage to complain and ya'll just start fuckin'.

[tjamick]

If you were voted "most stealthy" in your high school year book, you might be a ninja.

[CptPlanet]

If you're in the room right now but I can't see you... you might be a ninja.

That joke would kick ass if you could have a friend hiding behind the curtains or something, and then when you say it he jumps out and yells "SHIT!" and runs out of the room.

[TomWopat]

If your idea of a first date is storming the castle walls then assassinating the emperor... you just might be a ninja.

I'm sorry, I'll stop.

[scotch-romanian]

If your child is Grappling Hooked on Phonics... you might be a ninja.

[CptPlanet]

If you've ever yelled "Faggot!" at a samurai and laughed as he spent hours trying to find you... I'm terrible at these jokes.

[ComedySnobedy]

actually, I kinda like them.

[ComedySnobedy]

somewhere in here is a killer ninja gaiden reference... if you think you can jump away from a wall and back at it at a higher elevation thereby defying the laws of physics...

maybe some editing?

[MattLittle]

If you've ever murdered people by flip-jumping, you might be a ninja (gaiden).

If you're mother's vagina was a ninja, you might be a ninja.

[Soma]

Originally posted by CptPlanet
If you're in the room right now but I can't see you... you might be a ninja.

That joke would kick ass if you could have a friend hiding behind the curtains or something, and then when you say it he jumps out and yells "SHIT!" and runs out of the room.


I like that Idea, But rather... Do a little bit about how you think your friend's a ninja, blah blah blah, He's stealthy and always defying the laws of gravity, blah blah blah, wears a mask, then you say something semi-insulting about him, and make him jump out from some hidden place and curse you out... then he just walks away, very un-ninja like.

[tjamick]

Of course, if I were to actually do these jokes, I'd bomb so terribly....

This is what i'm talking about when i tell people that only people who know me find me funny.
I had talked with a friend once about going on stage dressed as a black ninja, and he'd be in the crowd dressed as a white ninja and after i did a few "the difference between white ninjas and black ninjas" jokes, he'd stand up, call me an asshole and throw a throwing star at me.

[ME!!!!]

Originally posted by tjamick
Of course, if I were to actually do these jokes, I'd bomb so terribly....

This is what i'm talking about when i tell people that only people who know me find me funny.
I had talked with a friend once about going on stage dressed as a black ninja, and he'd be in the crowd dressed as a white ninja and after i did a few "the difference between white ninjas and black ninjas" jokes, he'd stand up, call me an asshole and throw a throwing star at me.

You really should do that.

Edit: Do all the 'you might be a ninja' jokes and at the end of the set have a guy dressed up like one sneak up on you and slit your throat A la fat kids v. tobetan monks.

[RizzleMcIzzle]

Q.) How do you make a nose run?

A.) Tell him another holocaust is coming!

Aw shit. I meant to post this here (http://www.blowupthemoon.com/community/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2307).

Sorry guys. :(

[scotch-romanian]

TJ, you should get someone to record this and then post it here for all of us to see, even if it doesn't go well. You can edit in laughs (and fart sounds) but just let us see/hear it for heaven's sake.

[tjamick]

I'm gonna film it and try to send dvd's to people. I could post it, but the file would be too large. If anyone wants a copy, E-mail me at tjamick@gmail.com.

I'll send them out unless i'm not able to tape it.

[tjamick]

Just a reminder that this is tomorrow night.

[RizzleMcIzzle]

I still stick by my 'good luck'.