David Cross and Patton Oswalt Tsunami Benefit 2/20/05

[klaus_kinski]

COMEDY-AID Saturday, Feb 20th
If you're gay, love comedy, and want to help people who literally lost everything, go to this. I may be in LA at the end of the month so if I am I will go.

http://www.bobanddavid.com/images/comedyaid.jpg
"God helps those who helps themselves". Well fuck God then and let's all help those who can't help themselves...because of God!*

*The Muslim God, not the Christian God

Thanks,
- David

DAVID CROSS HOSTS:

COMEDY-AID
An Evening of Comedy to Benefit Tsunami Victims

Your Featured Guests:
PATTON OSWALT
JIMMY PARDO

Special Guests

DAVE ANTHONY
KRISTIAN VALLEE

Presale Tix 1.800.594.Tixx or Online at www.detroitbar.com

[CptPlanet]

Klaus if you go, make sure you get to see Dave Anthony. He's the funniest person no one's ever heard of.

[Treebeard]

Man, for a second, I thought it said this was going to be in Detroit, in which case I would just drive up there and go.

[teengirlsquad]

treebeard that is the exact post i was going to write when i saw this on the front page. theres a bar in california called the Detroit Bar? that really sucks and confirms my suspician that ever single person living in california is an asshole. somebody wear one of those camerahats they use on 20/20 and then send me the footage.



in addition this is hilarious
"God helps those who helps themselves". Well fuck God then and let's all help those who can't help themselves...because of God!*

[Gogo]

Please financial aid come in soon!!!

I could get in for free but that would just be wrong, seeing as it's a benefit. I would just feel... bad.

[Brain Stew]

Originally posted by teengirlsquad
treebeard that is the exact post i was going to write when i saw this on the front page. theres a bar in california called the Detroit Bar? that really sucks and confirms my suspician that ever single person living in california is an asshole. somebody wear one of those camerahats they use on 20/20 and then send me the footage.



in addition this is hilarious
Not just California.

In Pennslyvania, there is a town East Berlin, a California, a University of California and several other confusing places.

Oh, and 500 posts to me.

[teengirlsquad]

there is a woodstock, london and paris in ontario .... talk about false advertising


edited to make sense

[Gogo]

My review:

So at first I couldn't get in because it was a bar and I'm 20. I waited for a few hours outside so David could get me in. Finally he told the manager I was with him and the manager was very apologetic for making me wait outside (kiss ass).

So after three shots of tequila and a somewhat attempt of hitting on a gay guy, the show started and David was giving out the crap he didn't want he got from the gift package the Golden Globes gave him. I got the rest of it by the end of the show (free stuff...why not?) Half of his shtick was improv, talking about Orange County and how ironic there's a place called the Detroit Bar in Orange County. The rest of his shtick was old stuff ("God Bless The U.S.A." parody and "Hey 10,000 less Iraquis! That country only started shit with us NEVER!"etc.)

Afterwards, he couldn't talk for long because he had to get up tomorrow to shoot A.D. at 6 a.m. and it was a long drive to L.A., so we basically talked about NY and when he's going back and how are things going-small talk. I offered him some weed but he told me he was driving and he hasn't done that stuff in 10 years, which I found very interesting (of course, I could've misunderstood him cuz I was somewhat drunk but that's what I remember hearing). I told him I'd text him sometime these next two weeks before he left and that was that.

Overall, pretty fun and funny!

[Soma]

Originally posted by Gogo
I offered him some weed but he told me he was driving and he hasn't done that stuff in 10 years, which I found very interesting (of course, I could've misunderstood him cuz I was somewhat drunk but that's what I remember hearing).


You definitely misunderstood him.

[agent_PUNT]

Originally posted by Gogo
My review:

Overall, pretty fun and funny!

thanks gogo,

can you remember any more jokes?

if you get the time to add em in to this thread that would be appreciated.

by me.

not by the rest of you fucks

[teengirlsquad]

i would appreciate it

[Gogo]

Originally posted by agent_PUNT
thanks gogo,

can you remember any more jokes?

if you get the time to add em in to this thread that would be appreciated.

by me.

not by the rest of you fucks

One guy actually said, "I love you, Tobias!" and David said, "That fake charcter loves you too."

He really improvised most of his stuff about how appropriate the name the Detroit Bar was for a bar in Orange County. There was also a gurney on stage holding some ice and water bottles. He said, "We have this here just in case somebody dies...I can be making myself a drink back here and pretend I don't notice anybody, like 'Oh hi, I didn't see you see there, want a drink?'" He also said, "You know what I think we should do? We should just give all the money we make here for the Tsunami Benefit and give it to just one kid. Get him a plasma screen T.V. and a playstation 2." He also talked what a fucked up God we have and how if he goes to heaven, people who died in like the 1800s can't go to his part of heaven because it would be like a major shock to them. "*doing a voice of a kid from the 18th century* Can I come and play on your XBox *his normal voice* No! This is not your room. Go back and play with your ball and paddle!" And he talked about how he lost his virginity to a prostitute and how he feels guilty after playing video games for hours: "It's like feeling guilty after you masturbate. At least you get something out of masturbation, it pays off at the end. With video games, you just play for hours and get shit!" (That joke, at least, I think was from him... 90% sure... I was pretty drunk.) A lot of his stuff was from "It's Not Funny".

He also gave kept on making fun of the crap he didn't want from the Golden Globes that he was giving out.

"This shampoo is 70% organic. So if you want something that is at least more than halfly organic this is the thing for you."

"Yoga gloves for when your hands are tired of working out so hard."

He ended the show with his "God Bless the U.S.A" parody which is always classic.

That's all I can remember for now.

[teengirlsquad]

im just going to shut up now. i can't read. fuck why can't i delete my own post? shut up who ever is planning to quote this.

[Gogo]

Well too late now. I might as well post what I had already written.

Originally posted by teengirlsquad
did he give it or kept making fun of it im confused

He gave the shampoo, the yoga gloves and a shirt by a guy he calls: "Some guy who made this shitty clothing brand who's fucking girls who are old enough to be his daughter" out and then by the end of the show he still had a whole bag full of Golden Globes crap left and he gave it to me.

He kept some of the cool stuff, he said, but of course he didn't bring it with him.

[teengirlsquad]

oh thats cool it made you post more details .. he's talking about American Apparell thats hilarious. http://www.americanapparel.net
there was a good article about this asshole in Vice.
find your own link.

[agent_PUNT]

Originally posted by Gogo


He also talked what a fucked up God we have and how if he goes to heaven, people who died in like the 1800s can't go to his part of heaven because it would be like a major shock to them. "*doing a voice of a kid from the 18th century* Can I come and play on your XBox *his normal voice* No! This is not your room. Go back and play with your ball and paddle

He did the same joke in NY last summer when Tommy and I were there except he did it in reverse, when he died he walked into the 1800's heaven room and said "what do you guys have in here?... apples? oh dude that sucks... we've got playstation 2"

Thanks again Gogo!